A proven 4-step process to help you rise from the ashes.
Two things are true in life.
#1: It will knock you down.
#2: You can choose to get up.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” -Winston Churchill
I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve taken more hits than the average cow carcass in a Rocky Balboa movie.
My business lost 90% of its revenue. My childhood trauma resurfaced. My ex told me she wanted to move in together and marry me, then left without explanation. All in one year. It knocked the air out of my lungs like someone had hit a bowling ball in the stomach.
Surprise, upset, anxiety, bitterness, despair, anger, fear – I knew them too well.
The shit life throws at you is bad in itself, but what makes it ten times worse is not knowing how to shovel it.
When you lack a clear path forward, you don’t see a way out. Your fears keep telling you that it will stay this way forever. And if you don’t do something, it will.
But you know what’s funny?
Today, I am grateful for everything that happened because it made me grow enormously.
With a clear path and the right mindset, you will be able to rebuild yourself – stronger, wiser, better and happier.
Here’s how.
Step #1: Achieve True Acceptance
Acceptance comes before change.
After my ex broke up with me, it took almost two years for this to become part of my reality. Until then I was still addicted to the old relationship.
I thought I could have done more, that I would never find someone like her again and blamed myself for everything that had happened – the whole nine yards.
This meant I was wasting an insane amount of time and energy ruminating about the past. I turned down beautiful women who wanted to connect with me. My hands were full of old stories, so I had no room for new ones.
Rationally, I understood what happened, but true acceptance doesn’t happen on a rational level – it happens on an emotional, spiritual, and energetic level.
“Acceptance does not mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there must be a way out of it. —Michael J. Fox
The ego will cut you off from your emotions to protect you. But this creates an inner conflict. One part will want to stay in the ditch, the other will want you out.
Allow yourself to feel. Make the painful realizations. Don’t run away from the uncomfortable emotionsdo not numb them, smoke them, or drink them.
Instead, sit with them, feel the frustration, and yell. Allow yourself to feel depressed and discover the dark places.
If you’re up to your neck in shit, accept it fully.
Everything else is lying to yourself.
Step #2: Accept the invitation
When my client filed for bankruptcy, he owed me over $6,000.
I’ll never see a cent of this money I made hard and honest work.
I cursed. I became angry – first at them, then at myself. I slipped into a victim mindset, wondering why this had happened to me.
In essence, I did what we all do every day: I assigned a label to an event before knowing the full consequences.
When you look at our language you will realize how dominant it is Whether or think is. Good or bad. Hot or cold. Up or down. Love it or hate it. Light or dark. We create this duality every day.
But that means we often jump to conclusions.
The client who couldn’t pay me proved to be the much-needed kick in the ass that forced me to change companies. A year later, I’m operating at another level, doing work I enjoy a lot more for a bigger paycheck.
This change was worth well over $6,000.
When I realized this, I also realized that the event hadn’t changed at all – it was me who had changed.
“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who came in. That’s what the storm is for.” —Haruki Murakami
Nothing is good or bad in itself. It’s what you make of it. This is all part of your path.
Difficult times are a way of saying in life: “You are strong enough, you have so much more ahead of you, you can reach your full potential.” I know you don’t want the shit to hit the fan. You want to live in peace.
But that’s not how life works.
Punching is one of them, whether we like it or not.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- “What growth can result from this?
- “What baggage does this allow me to let go of? »
The sooner you accept life’s invitation, the better.
Step #3: Overcome your ego
A few years ago, I read a phrase from the famous self-help blogger Mark Manson who is now living rent-free in my mind.
“It’s not all your fault, but it’s all your responsibility.”
It wasn’t my fault my client went bankrupt.
It wasn’t my fault that the guy I’d been friends with for years started flirting with my girlfriend.
It wasn’t my fault that a reckless driver hit me while I was riding my bike and sent me flying through the air like a tent in a hurricane.
But it was my responsibility to learn from it.
When life hits you, you feel helpless.
You lose control. Things happen that you don’t want to happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. Taking responsibility gives you that power back.
But learning from mistakes requires letting go of the ego.
You will need to realize what you did wrong, what toxic patterns you engaged in, and what you contributed to the situation.
A simple reframe is to view mistakes as something admirable, something that causes growth.
I often wonder, “If for every mistake and learning I can identify I get a bonus point – how many can I find? »
Don’t hate yourself or set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Just take responsibility.
You have the choice and the ability to do better next time.
Realize how powerful this makes you.
Step #4: Rebuild the Right Way
I recently asked my friend a simple and stupid question.
“How do you build a house? »
After a few laughs, we brought our efficiency-oriented German minds together.
“First you dig a hole, then you build a solid foundation in it. »
The good news is that if you want to rebuild, life has already dug a hole for you. All you have to do is put the basic structures in place.
When you hit rock bottom, the smallest goal can feel like a huge mountain that you don’t know how to climb. I used to work 10 hours a day, go to the gym and read daily. After my business lost most of its revenue, I struggled to get out of bed and brush my teeth.
But small steps create momentum.
Instead of trying to do everything again at once, I made an effort to research an article, do a minute of meditation, and leave the house once a day.
“Standardize before optimizing.” –James Clear
The wheel started spinning again and got faster with each little effort.
Most people think that we magically rise to the sky after life knocks us down.
But the climb is hard and we are exhausted.
Focus on the basics. Stack up the small victories. To move.
Build the right foundation and everything else will come easily.
Summary to help you quickly rise from the ashes
Difficult times are rarely fun.
They are messy. They are painful. They take you to your limits.
But they also have a glimmer of hope.
Like a forest fire, they destroy everything, but leave the soil full of nutrients and the plants ready to grow back.
Life gives you tough times because you are strong enough to overcome them. And with a little guidance and perspective, you will get there.
- Practice true acceptance on emotional, spiritual and energetic levels.
- Accept life’s invitation to grow and realize all the good that can come from it.
- Let go of your ego to see your mistakes clearly and learn from them.
- Rebuild yourself by focusing on the basics and building momentum step by step.
“The world breaks everyone, and then some are strong in the broken places. » —Ernest Hemingway