The single elimination phase of the NBA In-Season tournament begins this week. Human nature compels us to throw ourselves at new things, and STI has inspired a whole host of reasons to hate it. There are a lot of things not to like. THE rating gaps play a role in progression, the custom courts playing like ice rinks, the 30-team field whittled down to eight teams that don’t include the last two NBA champions, and the sudden death round that begins nearly a month after the tournament began. The Indiana Pacers, Boston Celtics, Sacramento Kings and New Orleans Pelicans kick off day one, so here’s where each team is insufferable in their own way.
The Pacers run a fraternity
Offensively, Indiana is a frat party. Buddy Hield has been making trick shots for ages, Myles Turner blocks shots through his own window and Tyrese Halliburton provides the social lubricant. The problem is that when everyone returns home, the Pacers’ house is trashed and they’ve done enough damage that it’s barely habitable. They live on the edge. They hit the turbo with possession of the rock, but defend like they’ve had one too many. They can get away with it because they’re young, fun, and the city needs something to put down roots. The Pacers play like the 2023 analogue of Doug Moe’s Silent D-enver Nuggets. These legendary Nuggets offenses were the last vestige of the ABA, but rarely played meaningful playoff basketball.
Haliburton is an outstanding playmaker, but can we trust a heliocentric offensive leader who looks constipated when he attempts jump shots? Buddy Hield is the 30-year-old NBA playoff virgin and playing a smaller role than last year, but he’s getting too old for these shenanigans after missing the playoffs longer than any active player. The last time Hield played a single-elimination game, he was a senior at Oklahoma getting beaten by 44 points against Villanova. And he’s the veteran of this team. In comparison, the Boston Celtics look like Logan Roy.
Celtics Consultant Management Firm
If the Pacers are carefree young interlopers running a Calvinball offense, Boston is a soulless outfit led by a Pete Buttigieg clone. Like any McKinsey veteran, Brad Stevens has traded most of his local stars for a prosaic crop of efficient project managers. The Celtics are basically Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, Al Horford and a consulting firm. Horford is practically a grandfather now while Brown is the highest-paid player in the NBA, but who penetrates like he has Ball Hog weighted ball-handling gloves on his left hand.
Jrue Holiday is the fixer that teams import to raise their quarterly projections on both ends of the floor. But like any consultant, he is not tied to one place for too long. The same goes for Kristaps Porzingis. Since leaving New York, he has become a mercenary.
Danny Ainge went that route by trading Isaiah Thomas for Kyrie Irving and it destroyed their continuity, but at least Irving was a scintillating performer with the rock in his hands. Porzingis and Holiday are great for on-court team chemistry, but they’re also recruited operators if the GM was secretly AI-enabled. They’re exactly what Boston needs, but they’ll never inspire as much passion as KG, Bird and Ray Allen. Even their best player secretly wants to be a Laker.
Porzingis suffered a calf injury on Nov. 24, has not played since and is out for the Celtics’ season opener. Him missing a big game due to injury is Boston’s biggest fear. This season is his best chance to redeem his reputation after years of playing Broadway, Dallas and Washington, but if he’s couch surfing in the playoffs, these Celtics can’t expect to bring back the 18th Boston title this summer. Through 2020, Boston had more Larry O’Briens than almost any franchise. Can you imagine how intolerable Bostonians will be if their post-Brady title drought is broken by a season title? Fortunately, Joe Mazzulla clumsy preparation and execution in critical time is worse than Doug and Jem’s “last job” in The Town.
Murphy’s Law applies to the New Orleans Pelicans
If smooth sailing is the motto of the New Orleans Pelicans, that can only mean it’s only a matter of time before the ship capsizes. A leak always comes when the Pelicans hit their stride. Remember when Demarcus Cousins ruptured his Achilles just as he, Anthony Davis and Jrue Holiday were starting to fine-tune their connection?
Zion Williamson’s precarious health and fitness have become a running joke and a running narrative. But he is not the only pelican to have punctured bones and ligaments. CJ McCollum’s fragility should be just as concerning. Since the 72-game 2020-21 season, he has missed 147 games. McCollum is just as much of a blame for the Pelicans as Williamson’s, so save some of those fire-breathing critiques for Jaleel White with a jump shot.
Brandon Ingram is thriving, but turning into Kevin Durants’ Michael Beasley. It’s a disappointment. His silky smooth play inspired Durant’s compositions and he seemed to take a leap, but he constantly took two steps back after one step forward. Ingram was a sore thumb for the American team at this summer’s FIBA World Cup and he kept it up in the regular season, and appears to have left his jump in the Philippines.
The Third Tier Beam Team
The Beam team was a shock to the league system last season. The Beam lit up the Sacramento skies, De’Aaron Fox won the inaugural Clutch Player of the Year award, they set the all-time record for offensive efficiency, ended the longest drought the league in the playoffs and Domantas Sabonis became a viable number 2. on a playoff team, but they lost the element of surprise. Now comes the real expectations. The Kings would not have advanced if Golden State had not rushed to try to reach a +13 point differential. Every time you watch the Kings, remember what could have been. Keegan Murray’s development is stuck in amber while Shaedon Sharpe appears to be a game-changer for Portland.
This is the organization that passed Luka Doncic to Marvin Bagley, and Vivak Ranadive is soon coaching his daughter to lead the basketball team. They also clinched the Oklahoma City Thunder’s spot in the quarterfinals. Fox and Sabonis feel like overachievers who have already hit their heads against a ceiling compared to the precocious Sam Presti. Thunder Squad.
Sabonis is the flip side of Julius Randle in many ways. It is limited by its limits. He’s overly efficient, measured, a defensive non-factor and he shows up once a night to attempt a mandatory three. Randle is erratic offensively and emotionally, slow defensively, and missing extra equipment. And as nice as he is, remember how high the Kings could get if they used Tyrese Haliburton correctly.
(Part 2 will be published tomorrow, December 5).
Follow DJ Dunson on X: @brain sportX
